work culture – As Simple As That – HR and Leadership Coaching

A few years ago, I was in a training to become a trainer for a topic I was (and still am) in love with – Emotional Intelligence. I made friends with most of the attendees, which was fun. For a couple of hours.

At some point, the trainer asked a question:

Do you trust your colleagues?

I was in my early twenties and I thought… this is no brainer… of course I do! so I say “YES” out loud. And all (ALL) other attendees said NO almost at the same time.

I was a bit confused, but I figured, it’s ok…we have a trainer, we’ll be ok, she will explain….

And the trainer looked at me and asked me again: Alex, do you trust your colleagues? I turned all red, everyone was now looking at me, I was after all the ‘odd one’ and they were all waiting for me to answer.

Someone else from the group decided to change their answer and say: “yes, I also trust them, until they prove me wrong.”

I said: yes, I do… barely hearing my own voice, honestly; and slightly questioning myself at this point.

To which she replied …. “See, you can’t trust anyone. We are all here to do a job, and that is all there is to it. We are all different, I can’t be sure that you will do a great job at hiring the right candidate (I was in HR) because I don’t know how you judge characters, for example”. I mean … she made a point. My colleagues seemed to enjoy it and agree with it.

I insisted a bit more on how we need to trust our colleagues but I have to admit I wasn’t prepared enough for that conversation back then.

But now… now I have a few questions.

1. If you can’t trust your colleagues to do their job, how can they trust you to do yours?

2. If you trust your colleagues until “they prove your otherwise”, is it trust, really? Or is the opposite of it (suspicion, distrust); basically just waiting for the other person to fail and then “prove” you that you “were right”.

3. Do you trust your friends?

Who do you really trust?

There is one thing that is common to every individual, relationship, team, family, organization, nation, economy and civilization throughout the world – one thing which, if removed, will destroy the most powerful government, the most successful business, the most thriving economy, the most influential leadership, the greatest friendship, the strongest character, the deepest love. […]
That one thing is trust
—Stephen M. R. Covey

“You see”, trust is something we learn from a very early stage of life. Trust is mutual. Trust is earned. Trust is built. Trust is learnt. Trust is taught. Trust is a feeling not a task.

And trust starts with yourself. Having trust in yourself is about the simple things: keeping your promises and your commitments, becoming believable to yourself and to others, doing what you say you’d do and staying tru to your values; it boils down to one, even simpler, question: Am I someone I would trust?

I’m not saying you should be gullible, let people mock you or walk all over you. That’s not trust in the first place. Build healthy boundaries and don’t allow people to take advantage of you and at the same time, do some homework on how to trust yourself and others.

Self trust is the first secret of success…the essence of heroism
—Ralph Waldo Emerson

To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Cognitive dissonance is – the state of having inconsistent thoughts, beliefs, or attitudes, especially as relating to behavioural decisions and attitude change – in simpler terms it’s a mismatch of thoughts, a contradiction: saying yes but meaning no, kind of thing.

Everyone experiences cognitive dissonance at some point, on some level. People generally like to have congruency and consistency in their life and their actions: I can’t promise you something that I can’t deliver – you probably heard that before – this type of statements make it easier for some to identify when they encounter inconsistency between their values and their actions. However, it’s not always easy to recognise cognitive dissonance, but the feeling following it might give you a hint that you’re experiencing it:

Feeling guilty for something you’ve done
Regretting what you’ve said or done
Doing things against your values because of peer pressure or because you didn’t want to be left out.

Cognitive dissonance happens in situations like wanting to lose weight but ending up eating all those delicious carbs, or telling your friends you’re not going to drink tonight but ending up having at least 3 glasses of wine.

How does it look like in a work environment though? Imagine you found the perfect job in a store you love and you’re working with amazing people who once in a while ask you to keep the cash on the side and to tell your customers you can’t give them a receipt because the printer is not working. If among other things you value honesty, fairness and transparency – this scenario creates cognitive dissonance causing you to feel bad: you’ve done something wrong, you cheated, you lied to your clients.

Let’s take another scenario– you appreciate freedom and enjoy working in your own time and on your terms; you join a company with a ‘punch in / punch out’ policy: on the dot. And on top of it, there are people in Time and Attendance Department who send your tardiness reports to your manager every.single.week. That will cause you to feel trapped and will go against your value of being free.

Or you decide to take a personality test and while you always considered yourself a risk-taker, the result of the test shows that you’re actually risk averse – how is that for a dissonance?

When faced with situations like these, you’re going into the smoker’s thinking: I know it’s bad but I like it! OR I will gain weight if I quit, OR It’s not that bad and I’m not the only one.

The degree of dissonance we experience is triggered by the clash between our belief system and the new information we receive and it depends on the importance we attach to our internal factors (beliefs) and the external ones (actions, policies and procedures, new information, peers influence).

Most people associate the discomfort caused by cognitive dissonance with anxiety, regret, sadness, shame, stress and as a result of that, they will hide their actions, shy away from conversations, find reasons and ‘plausible’ excuses for their behaviour.

Accepting a work culture that is not in line with your beliefs and values, affects the way you see the world and it may change the way you see yourself: “The world is horrible”, “I’m not trustworthy, I lied” or “I am now a puppet of the system”, “I can’t tell my friends where I work because they know how much I dislike ‘being a sheep’”

How to deal with cognitive dissonance?

Adjust the level of discomfort until you reach a balance. Dealing with cognitive dissonance takes great behavioural flexibility and willingness to change. If the internal factors (beliefs) are more important than the newly found external factors (work environment), most people will quit their job. If it’s the other way around, they’ll adjust their behaviour to fit the culture.
Rationalise and justify your actions – in most studies people who have done something considered wrong, found a justification for their behaviour: I was just doing my job; I’m not the only one who does it. It’s not that big a deal. Other people do worse things. At times, justifying your actions protects your self-esteem. (However, this could easily become an excuse for negative behaviour and you must be careful not overuse it)
Selective exposure – Listening only to those who have similar beliefs and dismissing those who think differently; quite a common way of dealing with unpleasant situations in general: choosing the opposite of what creates discomfort. eg: find one other person with whom you share a common value (freedom) and be late ‘together’.
Reject conflicting information and avoid being a part of ‘it’ – easy-peasy. That’s when the cognitive dissonance causes so much internal conflict that you can’t deal with it: “I don’t even want to know what you do! I don’t want to hear about it. Don’t make me a part of it! I’m leaving!” Great way to stay comfortable and in line with your beliefs, however this doesn’t allow you to grow and gather new information which eventually results in isolation from the group.

Your moral code (set of beliefs) is your compass to finding your true north and experiencing cognitive dissonance is sometimes a great navigation assistant to keep you on the right path, or perhaps a signal that you need to upgrade your system and keep up with changes; Give it the right attention, be flexible and treat yourself with kindness.

To believe in something, and not to live it, is dishonest
Mahatma Gandhi

Tag: work culture

Do you trust your colleagues?

Does cognitive dissonance impact your fit to organisational culture?