The word that could damage someone’s perspective of the world and reduce their self-confidence significantly, if you use it continuously to ‘correct’ their actions, highlight something they’ve done or provide feedback.

It affects adults, but it affects children even more.

The other day I was at the mall and next to me there were 3 women with a little girl.

The girl was upset because she spent the money she got from her mum and now she wanted more because she saw something she liked.

I was watching the whole situation and I was genuinely curious to see how the mother will handle this. I was in for a very disappointing view.

The mother grabbed her forearm and shaking it and squeezing it, said out loud: “You always do this! no! You don’t deserve it! … Always spending everything and then you come for more!”

Right when the mother grabbed her arm, the girl fixed her eyes into the floor and said nothing. No single word. She slightly tried to pull her arm, for like a second, but gave up really quickly when the mother started shaking it. She was listening to her mum shaming her in a public space, in front of two relatives, who seemed to be ok with it. And she kept staring at the floor. 

She’s about 4 – 5 years old…

It must exhausting to be a mother, I understand that. And if you choose to become one ( because it is a choice!), please choose to read some books about being a parent, talk to a specialist or two, for the love of the human being whom you are shaping and sending into the world. 

This is so not: my mother raised 3 kids and we’re all alive and healthy. This is: your mother raised 3 kids who don’t know how to raise one. 

To that girl: when you grow up, I hope you find someone to tell you that you’ve done nothing wrong! That when you are 5 years old, the only job you have is to be a 5 years old kid: to explore the world, to push the limits and to learn and to grow. You are not a financial adviser, you don’t need to ‘save your money’ and you have the right to be happy and try the things that your emotional, curious mind wants you to.

Your parents’ job is keep you safe, to love and nurture you and to create healthy boundaries that will allow you to grow and to learn. It is not to instill shame in you for the mistakes they make or to project their own issue and shortcomings on you. That’s never been a part of it.

To all the parents out there: before you use always on your child, make sure you never make a mistake. 

If you want children to be able to make decisions, you must teach, not demand, you must accept and love not shame and punish. 

Just because you lived it, it doesn’t make it ok to pass it on.